


In the Night it Comes Running

by TheWriterWhoNeverWrites



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: (Hiccup digs his nails into his hand), Angst with a Happy Ending, Berk (How to Train Your Dragon), But he's got people who care for him and he's gonna be alright, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Past Character Death, Post-How to Train Your Dragon 2, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 06:14:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21192899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWriterWhoNeverWrites/pseuds/TheWriterWhoNeverWrites
Summary: In the days and weeks that come after the battle, Hiccup knows he has to be strong despite everything in him wanting to fall apart. He has people to take care of, people that are looking to him for answers and solutions, people that depend on himBut sometimes, sometimes you mind doesn't give you much of a choice.





	In the Night it Comes Running

His mind raced as he stared blearily at the dark form in front of him.

_ It’s not his fault it’s not his fault  _

He frowned, brows drawing together. Where was he? Nothing looked familiar, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off the shadowed figure moving towards him. It moved closer. And closer. And closer. Large jaws expanding as it made its way towards him and yet his mind wouldn’t  _ stop _ ,

_ Not his fault not his fault not hisfaultnothisfaultnothisfault _

He gripped his hair but the words wouldn’t stop. Circling and circling, again and again and  _ again, _

_ Not his fault not his fault nothisfaultnothisfaultnoTHISFAULTNOTHISFAULT _

His body tensed as the form finally stopped, mouth open now. His heart jumped in his chest, beating so quickly it felt as if it wasn’t at all. A faded light started to make its way out of the darkness. At first nothing but a spark, but soon devastating purple mixed with black. Getting bigger and  _ bigger _ and.

And suddenly it was like he was watching instead of there. He was there, he knew he was there. But yet he was watching himself. Watching as his eyes filled with fear. And despair, and heartbreak and nothing made  _ SENSE _ but then,

“No, nonono, come on buddy snap out of it. Wha-Toothless, stop!”

There was something familiar about the words but he couldn’t place it. Something familiar in the way he could see his own form retreating, back hitting a block of ice. That was _ his  _ voice, but his mouth wasn’t moving. He could feel the dryness of his lips, the way his teeth were clenched as he couldn’t help but watch, but that was  _ his voice, _

“Toothless, Toothless come on. Stop! Please, stop. St- DAD!”

And suddenly he knew. He knew what this was. He knew what was going to happen. He could map out every. Single. Moment. As if it had replayed millions of times. But it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter because he wasn’t there, even though he was. He wasn’t there but always would be. Never able to stop watching, never able to stop seeing it over and over and over and ove-

He felt more than heard the scream that seemed to leave both versions of his lips, ripping itself out of his body with a force so strong that his entire body jerked. And suddenly he was hitting the ground, body crumpling under the impact. He couldn’t  _ move. _ And there was something on him, something around him, something  _ on top _ of him. He lashed his arm out but it wouldn’t move and suddenly he couldn’t breath and he didn’t know what was happening an-

His eyes shot open but his limbs didn’t stop moving, the panic didn’t leave. His limbs jerked frantically, trying desperately to get himself out of whatever was holding him so that he could  _ breathe. _

Everything was black, his eyes were open but nothing seemed to change. He couldn’t breath and he couldn’t see. All he knew was that he needed out, that there was a pit in his chest that he didn’t understand and if he could just get  _ out  _ he might be able to.

And suddenly he had surfaced. He looked around for a moment in confusion, hands gripping tightly at the that blanket he had just moved away from his face. His room. He was home. He was fine. His breaths slowed slightly, but his heart beat wouldn’t seem to stop. The panic that had invaded his mind during the night was still at the forefront. His thoughts were spiralling in every direction to the point that he couldn’t comprehend them except for the  _ fear  _ that doused each and every one of them.

The floor began to shake. A movement that shook the house every couple moments that was even more noticeable from his spot on the floor then it would have been if he had remained on the bed. His head whipped to the door as it pushed open and, without any warning he was back there. The floor got colder under his touch, all semblance of his room seeming to fade away. He was _ there  _ again and the dark figure was moving towards him. It was slower than before, but there was no way to not recognize it. 

His hands scrambled against the rough wood of the floor as he attempted to push himself back, bringing his hands up to shield his head when he felt his back forcefully hit the point of wall behind him. He was breathing faster than he had been before, each breath leading into another one before it had even finished. The figure approached, the vibration of each step seeming to rocket up his arm. This was it, there was nothing he could do.

A second passed.

No light filled the room. No growls, no screams. The rumbling movement of the large figure seemed to have retreated, and suddenly it was silent again. His arms moved away from his face, but no relief came. He still couldn’t breath, and with nothing else to focus his mind on it was all he could think about. He couldn’t figure out what was happening, why he couldn't breath, why everything seemed to be a shadow of what he knew it should be.

He squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to focus on breathing, tired to pull a breath in that didn’t immediately escape his chest. The more focus he put on these movements the worse it seemed to become. He couldn’t _ breath.  _ He needed to breath. He was going to  _ die _ , he must be dying there was no other explanation he had to be  ** _dying._ **

He didn’t notice that his fingers had dug into his palms until he felt the wetness of blood against his arm. He stared at the red trails, glistening darkly in the moonlight, but couldn’t bring himself to move his hand. Now that he had noticed it, now that he was aware of the pain, it was the only thing that was grounding him. 

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, eyes unseeingly staring at his arm as small droplets fell one by one to the ground. Every moment he was sure that it would be his last, that he exhausted lungs would give up and not gasp in another breath. But then,

“ Oh gods, Hiccup!”

And suddenly Astrid was in front of him, face filled with concern and confusion, staring at him as if she didn’t recognize him. She reached slowly towards his hand and he flinched at the touch,

“Hey, Hiccup it's just me, it’s okay.” She spoke slowly as she wrapped her hands around his, gently pulling his fingers from where they were embedded in his palm.

She worked steadily, continuing to speak quiet, placating words as she continued. Once the final finger was free she tore a piece off of the side of her tunic and wrapped it around his hand, pulling his fist closed around the now wrapped wound. He was still breathing quicker than normal, but with each soft touch and quiet word, he felt himself starting to calm. 

She grabbed his unbandaged hand and brought it to her chest, trying to catch his eyes with hers,

“Just breathe with me Hiccup, try to follow my breaths.”

He tried to follow her instructions, tried to focus on her heart beat beneath his hand, to feel each breath she was pulling in with more purpose than one would normally just so that he could follow along. 

He still wasn’t looking at her. Each moment his breathing started to slow  _ reason  _ started to make its way back into his mind. That it was late. That he probably just had a dream. That he had forced his busy, probably exhausted girlfriend to get up in the middle of the night just to deal with him. That he was overreacting. That he shouldn’t still be dealing with this, should be over it, should have moved on and become  _ stronger _ , rather than pull everyone else around him down with him.

It was this last thought that made him pull away from her, caused him to plaster the most real smile he could muster onto his face when she looked at him in confusion. 

“Hiccup?”   


“It’s late.” Was all he could think to say. He winced at how ragged and sleep ridden his voice came out, still laced deeply with a sense of dread and panic,

“I’m sorry Toothless woke you,” He continued, realizing with a new sense of panic that it must have been Toothless he had pushed away from in fear, that had instincitvely went to Astrid when something seemed amiss, “You know how dragons are…”

He trailed off, not knowing how to end that sentence. Because yes, she did know how dragons were. Loyal, trustworthy, and very intelligent. None of those attributes were something that would lead Toothless to wake Astrid without good reason. And she knew it. She stared at him, hard,

“Please tell me you’re not trying to make yourself feel bad because I’m trying to help you?”

That didn’t seem like a question he could honestly answer without her getting upset, so he opted for staying silent. His silence seemed answer enough however, because annoyance crossed her features, arms flying up into the air,

“Gods Hiccup!”

His eyes widened and he slunk back, still slightly panicked mind not reacting well to the yell. She seemed to notice this and the annoyance quickly fell from her face, being replaced not with the pity he was used to seeing on the faces of most people who spoke to him now-a-days, but rather genuine hurt and pain.

She visibly sighed, bringing herself closer to the floor and shuffling across it so that she was sitting beside him instead of in front, pulling his hand into hers and leaning her head gently against his shoulder. They sat in silence for a moment before she spoke, words slightly muffled by the cotton of his night shirt,

“I just wish you knew that so many people  _ want _ to be there for you. That we care about you, that I care about you.” She stopped, pulling slightly away from him so that she could look at him in the eyes,

“Gods Hiccup, I love you. There is never a moment that having to be there for you hurts me or bothers me. I’m devastated that you have to deal with this, that hes..” Her voice cut off for a moment, choking slightly, “That he’s gone. But I want to be there for you.”

He felt her fingers move gently against his head, pulling sightly through his hair as she leaned in to place a gentle kiss on his cheek,

“I  _ want  _ to be here,” She repeated, “Okay?”

He nodded curtly, eyes watering slightly before he pulled her towards him, burying his head into her shoulder as he felt his own begin to shake. She held him tightly as tears started to soak her tunic, his cry silent but harsh. His shoulders shook violently from the force of his breathing, but she didn’t stop, only moving so that she could pull him more firmly against her as she leaned against the wall behind them.

He didn’t know how long they sat like that, but after some time his breathing calmed, and the tears stopped coming. He sat there for a few moments longer than needed, suddenly not really wanting to face her with his tear soaked faces and reddened eyes, when he heard his door creak open. They both looked up as a familiar  _ hrrrrrr  _ came from the doorway. Hiccup smiled despite himself, pulling away from where he had been buried in Astrid’s shoulder and turning towards the sound.

Not wanting to push his luck and try to stand with how shaky he still was he instead opted for reaching a hand forwards, leaning towards Toothless,

“Come here bud. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed you away, it’s okay, come here.”

Toothless walked towards him, much in the same way he had barley an hour earlier, but this time Hiccup pulled himself closer to the dragon as he approached, wrapping an arm around his neck the moment that he was close enough,

“I’m sorry bud,” He said again, hand moving gently against the back of the dragons head as he buried his face into his side, “I know it wasn’t you. I know you just want to protect me.” He took in a deep breath, gripping hard at the smaller scales that were littered on the dragon’s neck,

“I’m sorry Toothless. I love you bud, I'm sorry.” He couldn’t seem to bring himself to say anything else, phrase repeating but intelligible as his face dug deeper into Toothless’s side. 

Astrid’s hand landed on his shoulder some time later, slowly but forcibly pulling him away from the embrace,

“You need sleep Hiccup.” She said gently, glancing towards the bed behind her, “It’s going to be a busy week, and you’ll need all the energy you can get.”

He nodded, knowing she was right despite not wanting to leave the comforting hold of his dearest friend. He pulled away and reached towards her, not even having to look as she grabbed his hand and together they pulled him to his foot. They walked towards the bed slowly, Toothless trailing behind them, clearly not planning to leave the room for the rest of the evening. Once he was sat on the bed Astrid went to get up, leaning down once more to kiss his cheek before standing. He could tell she was about to say good night, about to move towards the door and go to her house. A moment of selfishness overtook him, and despite himself, he found himself reaching for her hand,

“Stay?” Was all he said, voice as unsure as his mind. But she merely nodded, a tired smile crossing her face as she moved towards the other side of the bed.

He knew they’d have to talk about it in the morning. He knew that with daylight the easiness of her slipping into the other side of his tiny cot would change, the aches and pains and fears would sink back in.

But for tonight, he let himself rest.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!  
I genuinely didn't know if I would ever finish this one. The working title in my docs is literally "Wow another sotry I probably won't finish", but despite all that, here it is.
> 
> I have a soft spot beyond soft spots for Hiccup and Astrid, so I hope I did everything justice.


End file.
